Christmas is a time of outstanding beauty.  All our family members travelling from far and wide to be together and share this special time.  We all make a special effort to be giving and sharing and sometimes, just sometimes, we wonder why we can’t be like that all year round.  But human nature being what it is we can’t and the magic soon passes and everything returns to normal once more.

For some though Christmas is a lonely time just another poignant reminder that our loved ones are gone and we are left behind to face life on our own.  For others it serves as a painful reminder of  one Christmas where things went tragically wrong and we lost a very special loved one.  Altogether Christmas is an emotional time.  Parents, especially come in for a hard time trying to meet needs of ever increasing demands from children, as much as we love them, it sometimes is an expensive job! 

But what I really wanted to write about is that part of Christmas we all have experienced at one time or another which causes so much heartache.  It is the madness of manipulation which takes place over all decisions relating to the festive season, from where we are going to celebrate down to the last morsel of food we are going to put into our mouths.  When looked at in the cold light of day it simply beggars belief that such a fuss is made over such small matters.  But to some of our family members it is of  vital importance to them that all the celebrations must take place at their home, for one reason or another.

This behaviour bothers me as I’ve experienced it so many times before, that at times Christmas has been a source of dread, resulting in me withdrawing deep into myself so I can’t feel what’s going on.  I’ve lived through the ultimate horror of having all the family to my house and then messing-up the hallowed turkey, the ultimate sin, confirming to all that I wasn’t capable of the honour being bestowed on me in the first place.  Although that happened when I was first married and still very young, I can tell you – it hurt. 

All the competing and jostling for first place, for example, ‘let’s have Christmas at our place – we do have the room don’t we?’  Or, ‘let’s have it at our place, after all we do have the swimming pool’.  So on and on it spirals, with every little dot and dash of Christmas until finally the whole meaning of it is lost.  It ends up in a some win, some lose, situation.  This is not what Christmas is about.

If this sounds familiar to you and you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, then this is definitely for you. 

It doesn’t matter what stage of the journey you are on.  Whether you are young and just married, living together with some one you love or whatever your circumstances are the principle is the same. It’s time to get out from underneath somebody’s thumb. 

Whether it’s the mother-in-law, or cousin Ted, or the religious beliefs of your loved ones family.  It doesn’t matter.  It is time for you and your partner to begin your own Christmas story and try celebrating your own way in your own style and flair.  It’s not easy I know believe me, as I have done it.  But if you are gentle with people but firm and assure them in ways they will understand that you still love and value them.  I think they will eventually be persuaded to let you try.  It may even release other family members who have also secretly been feeling the same but too afraid to come out and say anything and they will support you.

It needn’t always be a negative confrontational thing, if handled sensitively and with compassion it can be achieved.  Most people will understand because don’t forget they probably had to do it themselves.  Sometimes it’s so long ago since they did break out they’ve forgotten what it feels like, but you will remind them. 

The other thing I found that once the shock is over and everybody’s cooled down and accepted the new way.  There can be a sense of relief on the part of the older members of  the family, they also feel the strain and get worn out with Christmas – but not for anything would anyone admit they’re getting too old to keep doing the whole Christmas thing.  So for someone else to do it is a bit of a relief.  Although outwardly they may rant and rave, inwardly they begin to feel as if a burden has been lifted from them  So don’t be put off by people’s bluster.  Sometimes that can be a camouflage for their true feelings which they don’t want to accept on their own.

We all manipulate others – parents manipulate and influence their children in order to guide and instruct them.  So there is a positive side to this.  But the manipulation I am talking about is when one person continuously manipulates another in order to avoid doing something.  I couldn’t second-guess why anyone would manipulate but I do know they do.  It could be the person at work, your boss even.  It could be your best friend.  It could be a parent or it could be your partner.  This is a huge problem for some of us and it causes a lot of pain and hurt for the person being manipulated.  So I think it deserves a whole blog to itself.

Until the New Year, I wish all of you a very happy Christmas.  Health, wealth and happiness to you all in the New Year.
.