If you can’t drink pain under the table and you can’t run away from it –  if you can’t numb it with pills and medication.  What on earth are you supposed to do?  How do you cope with the problem of  emotional pain?  Unlike its physical counterpart there is no pill yet designed to take away suffering.  So what is the answer?

In the words of Paul McCartney I would say ‘Hey Jude:  Let it be’.  Just let it be.

Stop running.

Stop hiding.

Stop being afraid of what it will do to you.

Stop worrying about what it will make you look like.

Just let it be.

The act of stopping requires a decision.  And a commitment.  It won’t happen naturally,  it will have to be an Act of Will made by you and you alone.  Nobody can force you to this. Or push you to a decision.  You have to be ready to make this commitment.

But there does come a time in the grieving process when we come, naturally, to the point where we feel ready to move on.  The speed of which we do this is in our control and no outside party should be allowed to interfere in what is a natural process.  But the time does come where we feel that we can allow the pain within to just be there.

I know from personal experience that when I have suffered a great loss I’m  never the same again.   Suffering pain  changed me and made me a much stronger person.  So part of the healing process is in allowing pain to have expression within.  This is part of letting it be.  Instead of struggling with pain, regretting what has happened, blaming ourselves for what has happened,  denying what has happened, just let it go.

Another quote I found which expressed this beautifully is:

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go. ~From the television show The Wonder Years.

Again from my experience I learned when I  finally  allowed myself to let go, and that was always a battle, as it seemed more natural to want to hold on to the pain. The rut I’m in might be boring, it might be I’m sick to death of it.  But at least it’s a rut that is familiar – but then I get to the point where, to survive, I have to let go.

That has been the point when the tide has turned and I’ve begun to heal.  Obviously didn’t know then; but hindsight is a wonderful thing – and I learned that as odious and ugly as emotional pain is – the flip side, surprisingly is that any wisdom gained  has been in these painful valleys of life not on its tabletops.

In relationships the prospect of pain is sometimes what holds us back.  Perhaps preventing us from throwing ourselves deep into a relationship.  And that is no bad thing at all.  A healthy bit of caution never did any harm.

Another aspect of the emotional pain we suffer is caused by rejection.

This is perhaps one of the biggest factors in the breakdown of relationships – how many times have I heard of a person losing their partner to their best friend, or their neighbour?  So not only do they lose a partner but also a best friend, or neighbour.

What damage and havoc is caused by this behaviour.

For those of you who don’t know.

Rejection is painful.

It sends underlying messages of ‘ worthlessness ‘ and of ‘not being good enough’ on so many levels.

I heard somebody the other day say that when somebody said they didn’t like him or didn’t fancy him he – couldn’t cope and had to go home.  Wherever he was he had to leave straight away, go home to recover from it.  Rejection is painful.  It hurts.

Another person lost her husband to a ‘so called’ best friend.  This was years ago.  Today she is still suffering the effects and although on the outside is a bubbly outgoing person.  On the inside she is sad, lonely and bitter and hates Christmas especially as it reminds her of the wonderful family times she had.

The Good News though is if you’re strong enough to let it be.

To stop fighting.

To stop worrying.

To stop being fearful.

To allow your pain expression.

To be open to change.

You can experience a whole new dimension to your personality.  Discover aspects of yourself you didn’t know existed.  Discover that far from being a weakness-coping creatively with pain gives a strength beyond your wildest dreams.  There are benefits to be had in plenty.  But to get them is not easy and requires a decision and a commitment to find a way through the pain to the other side.

Human beings have survived because they have learned to be flexible and adaptable.  We are equipped to deal with situations and we’re equipped to deal with pain.  At times we’ve inflicted pain as a basic means of survival whether on or off the battlefield   Sometimes we’ve inflicted pain in order to feed ourselves and our families.

It seems to be a modern trend to inflict pain on others for no reason attached to our survival.  It’s not easy for me to understand a philosophy that seems to trumpet ‘do unto others before they do it unto you’.  But that seems to be at least part of the rationale of pain in today’s world.

But for whatever reason – we have what it takes to cope and survive what the world chooses to throw at us.  Not merely cope but a means of ‘getting through it’ to discover a wealth in riches that await us on the other side.  No sane person would welcome pain and suffering and nor do I – but I do say that if it has to come my way let me not hide from it.  Rather let my life be enriched by what it has to offer me.  Better by far than to lie wounded and bleeding.

Unable to participate in the joys of life

Unable to love again and be loved.

Yes better by far.

Take care !